Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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