the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
