A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just pee around me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
