tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
