Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I enjoy the company of your penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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