chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
