You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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