These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
