Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
