ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
