you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
