I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
