Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize