birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
