If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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