You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
