But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
