Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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