then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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