Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
