im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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