dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
