I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
there is glitter all over my balls
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