This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
