I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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