I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let's get the cat blown out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
