Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
