watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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