I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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