So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
