I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
