I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
