Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize