Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
