dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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