I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
