I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
