I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
