We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
