He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
