Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
