i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
