oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
