And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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