Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Found the puke drawer
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
