Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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