im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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