You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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