Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize