did you get engaged???
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
