thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
