so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
