I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
