All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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