Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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