It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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