i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize