Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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