Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
