My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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