he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
