We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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