Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ketchup is God's man juice
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize