You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
