when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
