I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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