I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
