Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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