I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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