i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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