And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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