Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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