Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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