I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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