Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize