you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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