Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize