Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
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