have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
