i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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