Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
