i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
