I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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