I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize