The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
