the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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