you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
