Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
