woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
