You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
