Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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