Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
