I'm eating all of the evidence.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize