Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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