i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
