I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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