i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
